Hello!
I have spent the past year in a deep slump hating and loathing my work. I have since learnt that the ‘boot camp’ ideology is not for me. I have taken self criticism of my work to a pathological, destructive level and found myself spending too many days/weeks too paralysed to even draw. For those who plan to take this crippling path of ruthless perfectionism, I have found that personally, it only leads to frustration, failure and disappointment. Taking a break is great, easy and helps, but it never solved anything for me. I needed an attitude shift. I’ve always been ambitious on improving, but I’ve recently lost touch with the connection that sparked this crazy obsession with art.
For example, I’ve spent many hours in front of canvas or paper, and learnt nothing because I was blinded by my own obsession to get it “right”. I think working more is never the answer, but it’s what goes through your head, why you draw and how you manifest what you learn that counts. I have to start having fun with what I do again, or else I’ll lose sight of why I even did this in the first place. Perhaps the only way out of this hole is to draw what I enjoy, to explore and to mess around with things and not worry about the consequences. I think there is a long way before I find the right balance.
Even posting here is a big step, as before I never would have felt I was up to the standard to deserve it. I hope this doesn’t sound too melodramatic or self absorbed, I’m just trying to be honest and have a feeling there are some out there who feel the same way about these things.
They are just some drawings (some with pastel) I have been working on, as well as a life size oil painting of a homeless man. Thanks for looking and happy holidays!!!
P.S I also have a new website, made for free by an old high school friend, who is a professional in these matters. www.rodluff.com
life size oil painting, smelly homeless man.
Posted by rodrigo on Saturday, December 19th, 2009
Categories: Illustration, Mixed Media, Traditional Media.
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December 19th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Feel the same as you described in the text atm… Very hard to change my attitude though, unfortunately.. =(
I love you’r stuff btw, kinda surreal? Dunno if i’m using that word right.. Hmm… Anyway, cheers for sharing and merry xmas. =D
December 19th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Rod these are wonderful!!!
And I completely understand what you’re saying, it’s so easy to forget that the most important thing in artmaking is enjoying the process, get joy just out of making marks on paper/canvas and not get paralyzed by the possible outcome. We forget this way too often!
Ironically enough too, I’ve noticed that the more you switch your focus to find pleasure in the process, the better the results are as well…
December 19th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
If this is what you enjoy, then by all means - do more. It looks great!
I’m sure there’s a core in there that particularly interests you… I particularly like the “social wreaths” you shroud some of your figures in. Could even be pushed farther…
Personally, I need more perfectionism. I’ve been pounding out sub-quality stuff for clients I’m and afraid I’m getting complacent with it. Next time you have surplus energies in that direction, send them my way!
December 19th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
I totally identify where you’re coming from. I’m trying to get back into a more playful mindset, because I think it’s playing around with line, form, color, etc, that gives the most insights into what works and what doesn’t. Definitely losing the bootcamp attitude, and going outside to drink up some LIFE. :)
Your pencils are amazing.
December 19th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Seems like so many are getting out of the art bootcamp. I love it!
This works blows me away. I did’nt have any idea how good you were until I saw your sketchbook in person for the first time. I was stunned. Great work, Rod.
December 19th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
OH WOW dude! these are so gorgeous!!! I adore the first 4! thx for sharing.
December 19th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Really excellent work mate. Totally agree with you. The bootcamp mentality never worked for me either. And as vic said, the more fun you have, usually the stronger and truer the art IMO
December 19th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
“I think working more is never the answer, but it’s what goes through your head, why you draw and how you manifest what you learn that counts.” Thank you for this. I couldn’t think of a better way to say that.
I hope you’ll find balance and feel good about what you do, because damnit you deserve it, it’s beautiful! Thank you so much for your words and your art. :)
December 19th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Just wanted to say, that I love the feel of your work. It’s got a great mix of beauty, surrealism and being slightly disturbing (at least to my mind) which is just such an interesting flavour. And also… the smiley faces crack me up =)
As for the mentality… I’m still rather new to everything and have been told a hundred times over by many that bootcamp is the only way to succeed. I’m constantly worried that I’ll start to hate art, rather than love it as I do now. I’ve tried it both ways, constant studies and constant freedom and both have advantages and disadvantages I think. I will say though, bootcamping it definitely affected my creativity in a negative way. Think in the end, it’s the same with any extreme, something is going to suffer for it. Balancing it out seems far more wise.
Thanks for the honest post and sharing yourself and your art, definitely added to my morning. =)
December 19th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
I guess you wouldn’t believe how well I can relate to your posting. With me, it has been years of doing less and less, down to a mere minimum of involvement in drawing, mainly for jobs. It climaxed in fucking up my final exams at art-school, because I had lost track of what I really wanted in the first place, completely. Too much comparison in the beginning of my schooling, and later it was the unfocused running-about everybody’s opinion. I tried to get it right for everybody. Crap. In the end, you even forgot what your personal goal was, by doing so. It is getting better now, and mainly for the same reasons. Basically I said Fuck it all. I am done with scholl, and my focus has changed. Also because I am now dependant on what I get jobs for, and what not bla bla.
I am doing this mainly because I had fun with it, and was able to bring other people joy, and even earn money with doing what I can do best. I should have quit listening to everybody trying to tell what you should or should not be etc. much earlier. Finally doing it helped. I am still recovering, but all in all I think I am on my way back.
Oh and by the way, kick ass stuff! Very keen observation, and I love your soft pencil-handling. At least it loast so smooth. Lovely. Kepp it up, and finally spank those drawing-demons away for good! :)
Alex
December 19th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Wow!! totally in love with the first drawings… would love to have this kind of art on my walls.
very inspiring, thanks for posting these!
December 19th, 2009 at 8:20 pm
These are stunning and inspiring! Whatever you’re doing to get through your slump, it’s definitely working. I think everyone goes through a crisis in some form in regards to why and how we do what we do, and what the results mean to us as individuals. Those who are truly in love with their craft though will find a way to get through it. For me like many of you, the bootcamp mentality doesn’t work so hot… it’s all about determination, motivation, and being passionate about what you do, and those things don’t come with forcing yourself to work to death. Anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts, it’s good to hear that it’s not as easy as all you guys make it look! ;)
December 19th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
thanks for posting this
December 19th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
These are stunning pieces of work. Like others here I empathise so much with your words. Other people have said how I feel so much better, but you are not alone. Perfectionism is totally abstract, you can’t get it or find it. What is beautiful is imperfection because it will always challenge you and always make you move forward. Absolutely love them.
December 19th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
<3
December 19th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
wowowowowow
:D :D these are grat!
Best of luck to you sir.
December 19th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
These are really awesome! I hear what youre saying too about the over worked bootcamp approach. Does seem like whatever studies you did have totally benefited the change though :). Maybe you had to do that in order to make that realization :O. Love the mix of styles mmmmmmm, hope you post more and hope you find a good balance!
December 19th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
I love the depth and sensitivity of your work.
December 19th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
It’s too bad you’ve felt that way about your work, because these pieces are incredible! Excellent pencils, and the oil painting is coming along well…
December 19th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
wow… these are really amazing. I love the style you put into these. I go through the same thing when i draw and look at my art. I broke through a huge slump the same way you did. Just try to have fun, and don’t worry about the results so much. I usually take a break and step away if i am getting frustrated.
December 20th, 2009 at 1:41 am
These are really stunning. Beautiful and graceful!
I know exactly the feeling you’re talking about. It got really bad for me working in games fulltime. I had kind of a crisis, I’d reached what I thought was my dream job, and I was getting more and more unhappy. Then I said fuck it too, quit my job, and started doing paintings without thinking about whether it was “cool” or not or furthered my studies or not. It’s a catchphrase to say “get out of your comfort zone” but if you’re *never* in your comfort zone you just end up bruised and sore and unhappy. It’s important to let yourself do something just because you enjoy it, too.
December 20th, 2009 at 1:47 am
Like a lot of these people… I can relate to that too.
Take comfort in the fact that whatever you’ve gone through to get to where you are now has been worth it, cause this work is gorgeous.
December 20th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
“It’s a catchphrase to say “get out of your comfort zone” but if you’re *never* in your comfort zone you just end up bruised and sore and unhappy.”
quoted for truth!
December 20th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Impressive work IMO.
December 20th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
went thru the same slump, but , Bravo! beautiful works !
A happy holiday to you & yours :)
December 20th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
love the entire series and want to see them biggah.
for me, the perfectionist in me kept me from enjoying my work for a while. but the less perfectionist i was, the better my work was and the better i felt about the process of discovery and adventure.
i don’t know what this art bootcamp is…care to tell more about it?
best!
dave
December 21st, 2009 at 12:33 pm
the first one is just wonderful! love it to bits!
December 21st, 2009 at 11:41 pm
I relate to this all too well Rod. Your work is beautiful and you inspire me. It is so good to hear everyone relates and to see such motivating comments. This year has been really hard, and still super hard sometimes but more often then not I find so much beauty in life(art), people, and myself. So for instance I just blew my nose into a napkin because I’m crying hahah and it’s in the shape of a butterfly! not kidding you. But really, this post has effected me deeply, and i hope my butterfly shaped snot will make some of you laugh because life should be fun toooo! <3
December 23rd, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Thanks for such an interesting article that really resonated with me personally. I think your work is fantastic, thank you for sharing.
December 24th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
I kind of can relate to to what you’re saying. I sometimes try to force myself to do stuff I really can’t seem to get into. You need to find the balance between your instinctive approach and your rationalized ideal I think. These pics are absolutely amazing btw!
January 4th, 2010 at 7:05 pm
I really enjoyed reading your post and it inspired me to make my first reply on this site. I can completely identify with “wrestling with perfectionism”. A break always helps but I think that, at least for me, the words of Robert Henri are always a comfort - “imagine you are dancing a painting”. His point (if I could paraphrase) was that if a dancer somehow produced a piece of art with their movements, how would that effect the actual dance and movement?
Wise words.
Beautiful work by the way!
January 4th, 2010 at 9:58 pm
Thank you thankyou thank you thankyou!!! There has been an amazing, thoughtful response to this post, and I have greatly appreciated many of your insights, and for sharing your experiences with me. I feel it has made me stronger as an artist to know that there are so many sharing the burden and going through the same thing. Thanks again, and if any of you have any questions, or want to share the discussion futher, which would be great, please email me at rodluff@gmail.com.
thanks!!
January 19th, 2010 at 9:21 pm
i hate everything i do as well it’s just that your work is better than mine heh heh that homeless man is fantastic